Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he fucked my hip out of place.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
