it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
