I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
