my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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