The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
