Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
