I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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