I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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