And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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