Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
