so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
