As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
