Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There's always time for handjobs
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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