Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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