So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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