I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
