Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
