So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Oh god it's open bar.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
