You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
