i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My balls are so social today.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
