I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
