Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
