i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
