already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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