dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
