Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
