nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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