My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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