I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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