So drunk its hurt
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
