So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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