I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
