So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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