***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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