Only a mothe r could love this liver
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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