My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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