piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
