but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
