The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
