guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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