party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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