I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
