Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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