Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
