Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
