I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
