hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
