if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
