Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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