it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
